In the month of January, I always like to take my friend M.A. to lunch for her birthday. Several years ago, we were at a restaurant doing just that when a beautifully dressed woman walked over to our table. She looked at me and said, "Are you Kay?". When I answered yes, she told me that she had had a cancer "scare" . ( It was found that she did NOT have cancer but at the time it was a real possibility. ) She said that it made her think of all the people who had made a difference to her life and that I was one of the first that she had thought of ... Well, I was astonished. Turns out, we had ridden the same schoolbus together and she had been bullied and picked on because of her small stature. I had spoken up for her and made the bullies leave her alone. She really impressed upon me the importance of me doing this for her. There is an English expression that really fits here...I was gobsmacked. I do remember stopping quite a few cases of "teasing" as it was called when I was growing up and they almost always were on the bus. Guess you never know how important just a few strongly directed words defending someone can make all the difference, do you? Whoo boy, schoolbuses...let me tell you, you really had to know how to survive on them. Maybe they are different now, but back then? You were on your own...Please teach your children well. Teach them first and foremost to be kind. I believe there is nothing more important. And children learn kindness from their parents. So…be kind. Consistently. If you are, you’ll never reject others because they are different. If you are kind, you will love folks for who they are...
"Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind, the second is to be kind and the third is to be kind." Henry James
"Kindness is the overflowing of love into the lives of others". My sister had this saying on a small poster on our bedroom wall when we were teenagers.
A touching incident, Kay, and I am glad that, after so many years, you received such a surprising reward for something good you had done as a kid!
ReplyDeleteDear Librarian,
DeleteIt WAS touching and yet, all I could think of afterwards was... I wonder how many other things I had done of the OPPOSITE nature that I couldn't remember.
That's me though, I can find something to worry about, no mattter what.
What a lovely story. It just goes to show the impact a simple act of kindness can have on the life of another.
ReplyDeleteDear Tracey,
DeleteThank you for your comment! Two things yesterday: I read Beth's blog and heard an author on the radio talking about bullying. (Fat Boy Chonicles, a book now made into a movie.) As I was already thinking of writing this it was like a sign that I needed to... has that kind of thing ever happened to you?
How lovely, and what a caring child you must have been.
ReplyDeleteSP
Dear SP,
DeleteThank you, and I hope my siblings don't read this post, they might have a few comments and leave you examples of the opposite nature! ;-)
A lovely story - I too believe in kindness.
ReplyDeletePomona x
Dear Pomona,
DeleteThank you for your comment. I wish everyone did!
What a great story, Kay. I bet you glowed for the rest of the day. Goes to show, we never know what will result when we cast a little kindness out into the world. Ripples, you know?
ReplyDeleteDear Kay,
DeleteI was grateful to know I had helped this woman but oddly enough, it made me feel uneasy that I might have missed someone else being bullied and didn't notice it... But that is just like me, I can always find something to worry about!
How wonderful that she still remembered after all these years - your standing up for her meant more than you could have ever have realized at the time. I'm sure it made you feel good as well. A few years ago now, my Mom ended up working with someone I went to highschool with and he told her that the one thing he always remembered about me was that I treated everyone the same. It's a small thing, but have always been grateful to him for saying that - it sure made me feel great. Our actions and attitudes really impact those around us.
ReplyDeleteDear Jane,
DeleteIt meant more than I realized...exactly so. We truly never know how important we can be to others...thank you. Oh, what a wonderful thing to have someone remember about you, that you treat everyone the same.
Oh, and just wondering, do you have schoolbuses in Canada? Never thought of it until just now...
Yes we do and in fact, I drove one (a 42-seater) for a few years when my children were in grade school! We were living on a acreage and I had plenty of room to park my bus out of the way. Most of each day free, holidays and summers off - it was a great job.
DeleteOh, Jane, I'll bet you were a great bus driver! I know that some of them were. I actually rode a school bus even in high school even though it wasn't "cool" to do so, and I loved my bus driver. She didn't put up with anything on that bus. I love people like that!
Delete(And what a great job when your kids were little!)
I so agree about kindess; it beats every other human quality. I have a small grandson who is a constant target for the bullies who make his life a misery. But when told to retaliate, he says he can't, because it wouldn't be kind. I am very proud of him!
ReplyDeleteDear Frances,
DeleteThank you for your comment! I have read that bullying is a very real problem in schools today. My heart breaks for kids who are the targets. Why can't adults or other kids speak up for them?
You should be proud of your grandson! My son was bullied in kindergarten, but luckily, his teacher noticed and put a stop to it.
How sweet, Kay. That must have made you feel so good. I feel that we are all linked somehow, and that everytime we show kindness to someone, they will then pass it on to someone else. I have raised my kids to think about their actions before they carry them out. To think about their words before they speak them. Because how they act and what they say can affect someone else emotionally and psychologically in ways that they could never imagine. Being sensitive towards others is a step to a better world. I am really touched by this story; you must have been a very sensitive, compassionate child. And brave, too. Because it is scary when you're young having to stand up to others.
ReplyDeletePlowing Through Life (Martha),
DeleteI asked Jane this, and now I will ask you...do you have schoolbuses in Canada? They are really rough on kids, you truly are at the mercy of the big guys on there. Thanks for the nice things you wrote about me, I really don't know if it is true, but I was glad to know that I helped at least one person.
Yup, we definitely have school buses here, and not every child has an easy time riding them. I never rode on one myself when I was growing up because both my elementary school and high school were within walking distance of my home. My two kids have had to take them, and my youngest is still doing so, but neither of the two girls ever experienced any problems. Thank goodness!
DeleteThanks for telling me, I wasn't sure. Thank goodness, no problems! Walking distance of your home, that was good exercise for you too!
DeleteWhat a thoughtful post, Kay, on a very pertinent topic. Bullying is as pervasive as ever, and as hurtful as ever. I hope I can teach my kids to be kind and compassionate always. My little boy was very hurt last year at school. He was told he should go back to Ireland. When he came home he said to me: "But I'm a Dallas Cowboy. I was born in Texas." My little cowboy is learning to ask questions like: "Why are you so concerned about where I live?" and the taunting has stopped. Life can be hard when you are only seven.
ReplyDeleteP.S I love your use of the word "gobsmacked". I say it all the time. I
My son got the same thing, since his Dad is from England.
DeleteDo you notice that "gobsmacked" is becoming more familar in the USA? Amazing!
A lovely story. I believe kindness is one of the most important qualities. It's one of the things that makes me love a person.
ReplyDeleteI don't regret too much in my life but the times I do regret are the ones where I didn't speak out to help.
Dear Jenny,
DeleteOh, thank you, and I am glad you don't think it is too "cheesy". I tried to write it as simply as I could.
Like you, I just hope that I noticed ENOUGH and that I did ENOUGH for all those that were being taunted.
Hello Kay, thank you for visiting my blog and kind comment. I started to follow your blog. I feel that we might have some similar traits. I often stand up to unfairness and protect the unprotected since I was a little a little girl (thus my pseudonym). It was wonderful that you were remembered for your bravery and kindness.
ReplyDeleteDear Marco Pasha,
DeleteYou have a beautiful blog! I just found you from My Mental Library...
I have always felt that if EVERYONE stood up to bullies, then we would have a better world!
Thank you for much for your comment and for following my blog!
I was very moved by your story, Kay. Thank you so much for your kindness and bravery in standing up for a bullied child then and thank you for writing about the importance of kindness now. (And thank you for mentioning my blog). It's really amazing how powerful even the smallest act of kindness and compassion can be. Benjamin still remembers, all these years later, every single time another student offered him a kind word or befriended him in the lunchroom or on the playground. I could always tell when he'd had an encounter with kindness when he'd come home from school---he'd be glowing with happiness. It makes me tear up right now just thinking about it. As my Grandma used to say, "Any time you show one act of kindness to my child, you've done it twice for me."
ReplyDeleteDear Beth,
DeleteThank you. I truly like the way that you write. You know where you wrote above that it made you tear up just thinking about your son glowing with happiness over a kindness? Tears came to my eyes too when I read that.
I wonder if you have heard of the book that has now been made into a movie, it is called Fat Boy Chronicles, and is specifically, about overweight children being singled out, but as we all know, bullies find a way to taunt kids over any number of things. I heard the author on the radio speaking of the movie and then I read your post, the one that I quoted, and I just felt like something was telling me to share my story, and to speak just a bit about bullying. I hope I was able to convey what I was thinking...
Thank you so much for allowing me to use your words!
I love this story, Kay. One person really CAN make all the difference and I love to be reminded of that. I always loved the saying, "Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty". We should all make time in our lives to do just that!
ReplyDeleteHey Audrey!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I was little shy about sharing it, to be honest, made it sound like I was tooting my own horn...but it WAS such a little thing, yet it loomed large in her life!
I wonder who first coined that phrase,"Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty"? Wish we had more people like that...
Oh, and I just noticed that you are now one of my followers! Makes me feel like the Pied Piper when I say that! :-)